Confessions of a tired runner.

Race day is less than three weeks away. I've been training for the last thirteen weeks. I'm tired, mentally and physically. Between prepping for, eating for, showering from, doing laundry because of, and then actually doing the run, the hours spent on running could have amassed me a small fortune were it a part-time job. Many people aren't delusional or masochistic enough to embark on such an undertaking, running a 50 miler that is. If your are sane person, unlike myself, you might not know some of the dirty little secrets of running long distances. So here you go, a glance into my sweaty, smelly, blistered life.

1) My feet look dirty. All the time. I can scrub all I want, but that Myakka dirt is there to stay. And the calluses, oh the calluses.

2) My days off from work used to be reserved for catching up on cleaning and laundry. Now they are reserved for long runs. Were you to enter my home, it would be immediately apparent that I have relegated laundry and cleaning to the proverbial back burner.

3) Because I don't have much spare time for laundry, sometimes clothes come in the shower with me to get washed. Two birds. One stone. Genius.

4) Coffee and GU gels now make up their own group on my food pyramid. To that end, I spend more money on GU gels, Stingers Waffles, and Rocktane every week than I do on actually groceries. (bonus points if you know what all of that is)

5) When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. And when that's on the side of a busy road or on a trail in the middle of the woods, pray you remembered toilet paper.

6) Family gathering and social outings are often missed because of a run. I can neither confirm nor deny that Thanksgiving dinner started late because I had to get in "just one more mile". If, over the past 13 weeks, I have given you a lame-o excuse as to why I couldn't do something, I was probably actually running.

7) I'm going crazy. No, really. Any sanity I started with is all but gone. Spending so much time running start to play tricks with ones mind. I wouldn't be surprised if my next blog entry consists of "All running and no play makes Lara certifiably insane" typed over and over and over again.

8) Contrary to popular belief, training for an ultramarathon does not give you a "get out of jail free" card for diet and nutrition. I cannot eat whatever I want, nor can I eat as much as I want. If I eat crap, I feel like crap. And then my run sucks. And then I hate everyone. Truth be told l, I've gained a couple if pounds since training stared. How 'bout them apples?

9) I'm so tired of long, slow running right now. I will be happy when this race is over and I can ride my bike again! I'm looking forward to running a half-marathon in March, so I can start focusing on short, speedy races. (Did I just really type that???)

10) As much as I'm being a Negative Nancy about running right now, there is really only one question to ask: When's the 100 miler? :)

Escape.

I've never been one to seek out running partners. More so, I've avoided them. Running has always served as "me" time, a means to escape the trappings of our "do it all and have it done yesterday" society. When running with someone else, or even worse, a group of someone elses, I've found it impossible to get to my happy place. Inevitably, I would get caught up in a pace that wasn't comfortable (or was too comfortable), a distance that wasn't of my choosing, a route that was inconvenient, and God forbid, a conversation of which I wanted no part. It's only been about a year since I've tolerated running with other people, and even still, it was just barely.

Two weeks ago, something changed.

The past few months, my husband, a friend, (we'll call them "the Boys") and I have been training for a 50 mile race in February. As I'm sure you can imagine, the mileage has been adding up. Our long run last week was 31 miles. It seemed as though the stars aligned with the perfect opportunity for this run: Croom Zoom. A race up in Brooksville that had a 50k (31 mile) option. How serendipitous! Actually, not really, because it was my weekend to go play my role as an officer in the Army Reserves. So, the Boys enjoyed themselves (and smashed their PRs) at Croom while I was protecting the free world. My only option was to do the 31 mile training run the weekend before by myself in Myakka. I thought this would be excellent! It had been so long since I was able to enjoy the solitude of my pace and my iPod. I was secretly stoked.

It was a particularly cold Florida morning, hovering in the 40's with a blistering wind. Being that it was 5:30AM, I was greeted by the better half of Myakka's animal population foraging for their morning sustenance. Myakka is beautiful anytime of the day, but there is something ethereal, other-worldly about it in the pre-dawn hours. Between the wildlife and wilderness, I was hardly alone on this run. It was mostly easy going. I was clicking off the miles with relative ease. Other than a nagging ankle injury, my body felt strong and and my stride was sure. I was able to catch up on my audiobook. Simply fabulous. Then, about 25 miles in, I began to experience a feeling I'd never encounter while running: loneliness. I was no longer enjoying my run. Suddenly, I started noticing how tired my legs were, how heavy my CamelBak was. The remaining 6 miles seemed interminably long.

I managed to eek out the rest of the run, but I wasn't happy about it. I just wanted to be finished. I didn't even really care that I had bested my previous 50k time by almost an hour. Having no one with which to share it made the task seem trite. (Side note: Of course it wasn't trite. I had just run 31.1 miles in 5 hours and 17 minutes on some pretty gnarly terrain. That's nothing to sneeze at.) Unbeknownst to me, I had turned into a pack runner, actually enjoying the company of the Boys on our runs. (Not to say that I didn't enjoy their company while not running!) Over the miles of the previous months, I had come to crave our musing of future races, current life problems, the validity of the theory that alien life exists in the Orion constellation, solidifying roles for the Zombie Apocalypse. All worth-while subjects for long run cogitation.

Turns out that I've partially changed my hermit-esque ways. Now, I look forward to their company as much as a do the miles. This is a special thing that we are doing, and it's made even more so because we are doing it together. It isn't often that you find one person willing to train for and run a 50 miler, much less common to find three. I still get to escape, now I'm just bringing friends with me.

Beauty in the breakdown

I've had this song stuck in my head for weeks now. If you're as in tune with the electronica Britpop scene as I am, then you've most assuredly heard Frou Frou's "Let Go". I love this song, and it's a staple on my long run playlist. But why has it been haunting my mind for what seems like eternity? Have I, in an endorphin altered state of mind, subconsciously internalized the lyrics in response to the goings-on in my life? And maybe not even my life, but a few of my friends?

So, let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It's as if the singer is imploring the listener to be present, engaged in the moment. So often, society encourages us to evade our feelings, lulling us into complacency. This is our life! It's okay to be sad, it's okay to feel pain. If we don't fully embrace the discomfort, then how can we truly appreciate the joy and triumph of overcoming?

I think runners get it. No logical person goes into a 20 mile run expecting to not feel pain, mental and physical. Some would argue that no logical person would run 20 miles...but I digress. For as miserable as it can get when you've been on your feet for two hours, it gets just a little bit worse when you face the fact that you still have at least another hour to go. This is my favorite part of the run. I'm not the fastest, but I'm really good at suffering. Because I know what comes after the suffering. It's the high. It's when you notice the sun glinting off the dewy grass, the wind cooling your sweat-soaked brow, your stride so sure, you feel as if you could take flight at any moment. I've never done elicit drugs, but I'm fairly certain nothing can make me feel as good as I feel when I've reached this part of my runs.

The parallel between running and everyday life is so obvious to me that I have a hard time conveying this to others. The inevitable hard times in life happen to make us better. Let's try not to shirk from reality. Allow yourself to feel, to heal, to grow. There IS beauty in the breakdown.

The theory of relativity.

What defines someone as having achieved greatness? Is it winning the Western States 100, one of the most renowned ultra marathons in the country, seven consecutive years? Is it running 50 marathons in 50 days? Still not impressed? How about running from California to Key West? While I find each of these seemingly super-human feats of athletic prowess awe-inspiring, is it the mere act that makes each of these runner great? I think we can all concede that Scott Jurek, Dean Karnazes, and John Pyle are great runners. And if you don't know these names, google them. I'll wait.

Ok. Since you obviously now agree with me, we can continue.

To someone who runs 30 miles as a warm up, is running 100 all that extraordinary? Not really. Now, I am by no means implying that running 100 miles isn't special, but isn't that 100 mile run equatable to a 5k for someone who has never been a runner? Unequivocally, yes. I find the non-runner who decides to do a couch to 5k program as equally motivational as a Scott Jurek. Running 50 miles is relatively easy when you've already ran one. It's that first mile that's the challenge. This weekend, I ran in an 11 mile mud-filled obstacle race called Tough Mudder with my husband and some friends. My brother-in-law kept pace with a few of us self-proclaimed endurance junkies, only to find out around mile 8 that the furthest he had previously ran was about a mile or so (he wasn't really sure). Our other friend had never done anything like it before either. And he's a big guy, making the course more challenging. His tenacity made the spectators and other competitors take note. By the end of the race, random strangers were coming up to him and shaking his hand, telling him how inspiring he was. I am so blessed to have people like these in my life.

The part that I find most encouraging about the greats of our sport is that many of them find their stride later in life, usually due to a midlife crisis or the like. They don't have some storied carrier of racing dating back to their prepubescent years. For example, after leading a sedentary life of pizza and potato chips, Dean Karnazes simply opened his front door and decided to run. Something just clicked and he changed his life. And this story repeats its self countless time in the endurance sports world.

So, what's the moral of the story? Greatness is relative, and the capacity for greatness lies in all of us. How will you be great?

The first step

It's ironic that I'm starting a blog that will be mostly about running on a day that I didn't run. I have a cold and a bum ankle (mostly out of sheer stupidity, but that's neither here nor there). Also ironic, is that I don't have much to say today. I always have my best thoughts during a run, which is what inspired me to start a blog in the first place. Not that my thoughts are momentous revelations or anything, I just feel the need to share (or subject others to) my random musings. I know, you're welcome. Rest assured, the contents of my mind are not relegated to the misguided athletic pursuits of a twenty-something mommy. I will regale you with caprice and whimsy, and most assuredly a snippet or two from my plan for the zombie apocalypse.

Alas, today is really just a test run so I can more accurately format my page. Haha, I've tricked you into reading already! So, with that, I'm off to find another box of tissues. Actual content shall be posted at a later time :)